100 Grooming Tactics Organized by Stage

100 Grooming Tactics Organized by Stage

1. Targeting the Victim

(Choosing and approaching a vulnerable target)

• 1. Complimenting the victim excessively
  2. Mirroring the victim’s interests and hobbies
  3. Offering gifts or treats unexpectedly
  4. Giving undivided attention
  5. Using flattery to boost victim’s self-esteem
  6. Pretending to be vulnerable themselves
  7. Sharing “secrets” to build intimacy
  8. Appearing emotionally available and understanding
  9. Offering help with problems or tasks
  10. Being overly friendly and charming

Example: A groomer notices a shy teenager who feels lonely and starts regularly complimenting their appearance and talents, making the teen feel special.

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2. Gaining Trust

(Building rapport and emotional connection)

• 11. Providing emotional support during difficult times
  12. Playing the role of protector or mentor
  13. Giving the victim a special nickname
  14. Encouraging victim to confide personal details
  15. Spending a lot of one-on-one time together
  16. Creating shared experiences or “inside jokes”
  17. Sending frequent messages or calls
  18. Offering exclusive access to events or places
  19. Introducing victim to “secret” or “special” knowledge
  20. Encouraging dependency by solving problems

Example: The groomer listens carefully when the victim talks about family problems and offers to be their “safe place,” deepening emotional trust.

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3. Fulfilling Needs

(Using gifts, attention, or favors to create dependency)

• 21. Criticizing victim’s friends or family subtly
  22. Encouraging victim to spend less time with others
  23. Creating distrust toward others around the victim
  24. Telling victim others don’t understand them
  25. Suggesting victim is “special” or “different” from others
  26. Causing jealousy or possessiveness
  27. Scheduling activities that conflict with other relationships
  28. Discouraging victim from seeking outside help
  29. Using peer pressure or group dynamics to isolate
  30. Manipulating victim’s social media contacts or interactions

Example: The groomer gifts expensive items or offers rides, making the victim feel obligated and less likely to leave the relationship.

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4. Isolation

(Separating the victim from support systems)

• 31. Using gifts to create obligation
  32. Giving victim a sense of purpose or importance
  33. Making victim feel uniquely chosen or valued
  34. Building a fantasy or idealized relationship
  35. Using compliments mixed with criticism to confuse
  36. Showing “jealousy” to appear caring
  37. Testing victim’s boundaries with small requests
  38. Normalizing inappropriate behaviors slowly
  39. Exploiting victim’s insecurities
  40. Reinforcing secrecy as a “bond” between them

Example: The groomer convinces the victim that only they truly understand and love them, so the victim starts avoiding friends or family.

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5. Testing Boundaries / Desensitization

(Introducing harmful or inappropriate behavior slowly)

• 41. Touching victim casually or “accidentally”
  42. Making inappropriate jokes to gauge reactions
  43. Bringing up taboo or sensitive topics subtly
  44. Blurring lines between affection and control
  45. Using physical proximity to invade personal space
  46. Giving mixed signals (nice then cold)
  47. Introducing private or intimate conversations
  48. Offering affection conditionally
  49. Creating scenarios where victim feels guilty for resistance
  50. Desensitizing victim to sexual content gradually

Example: The groomer “accidentally” brushes the victim’s hand or makes flirtatious comments, watching if the victim resists or accepts.

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6. Abuse Begins / Control

(Starting abuse and establishing dominance)

• 51. Gaslighting victim’s feelings or memories
  52. Threatening to withdraw affection or attention
  53. Making victim feel responsible for groomer’s emotions
  54. Using guilt to maintain silence
  55. Minimizing the seriousness of harmful acts
  56. Encouraging victim to keep secrets from others
  57. Using rewards and punishments to control behavior
  58. Monitoring victim’s activities or communications
  59. Creating fear of abandonment
  60. Blaming victim for problems in relationship

Example: The groomer tells the victim “you’re imagining things” after an abusive act, making them question their own reality.

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7. Maintaining Control

(Keeping victim compliant and silent)

• 61. Using emotional blackmail (“If you leave me, I’ll hurt myself”)
  62. Creating dependency on groomer for self-worth
  63. Encouraging victim to doubt their own judgment
  64. Discrediting anyone who questions the groomer
  65. Promising future rewards or love to keep victim compliant
  66. Isolating victim further through manipulation
  67. Exploiting victim’s cultural or family values
  68. Framing abuse as an expression of love or care
  69. Threatening exposure of secrets or shameful information
  70. Normalizing abuse by comparing it to others’ relationships

Example: The groomer threatens to reveal the victim’s secrets or shameful information if they tell anyone about the abuse.

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Additional Psychological, Physical, and Digital Tactics

(Used throughout the grooming process)

• 71. Playing the “victim” role themselves
  72. Using charm to disarm suspicion
  73. Blending kindness with cruelty unpredictably
  74. Exploiting victim’s need for approval
  75. Encouraging victim to minimize or rationalize abuse
  76. Creating confusion through contradictory behaviors
  77. Exploiting victim’s past trauma or vulnerabilities
  78. Using empathy selectively to confuse victim
  79. Manipulating victim’s hope for change or recovery
  80. Using silence or ignoring as punishment
  81. Gradually escalating physical contact
  82. Using “accidental” touching to test boundaries
  83. Introducing sexual talk or innuendo subtly
  84. Showing pornography or sexual images to victim
  85. Making victim complicit in secretive acts
  86. Encouraging victim to keep physical relationship private
  87. Using drugs or alcohol to lower victim’s defenses
  88. Isolating victim physically during abusive acts
  89. Coercing victim through threats or pressure
  90. Desensitizing victim to nudity or sexual behavior
  91. Sending frequent messages or emojis to build connection
  92. Sharing explicit images to desensitize victim
  93. Using fake profiles to appear trustworthy
  94. Asking victim to keep conversations secret
  95. Encouraging victim to share personal information online
  96. Grooming through gaming or social media platforms
  97. Offering virtual gifts or in-game currency
  98. Monitoring victim’s online activity closely
  99. Isolating victim from other online contacts
  100. Using video calls to simulate intimacy and trust